Knowing God through Your Fear

I was thinking about many things the other night, flooded with memories and thoughts of the little girl I was growing up. Thoughts of my mom came up and I recall all of the positive influences she had on me when I was young. There was a time when I thought that she created a lot of fear within me because of her own fear. I am rethinking that now, in a deep sense.

Many are affected by the lives they’ve lived as children, creating who they become as adults. Honestly, my eyes have been opened to see truth in all of the negative stuff that happens to children and to adults. There are two forces in this world that we live in, and a battle of spiritual influence. God is our Creator. Satan is the destructor.

Looking back the other night, I was thinking of all those fears. Fears of windows being covered so people couldn’t see in, fears of the house catching fire, fears of tree’s falling on the house, fears of people stronger than me, fear of the unknown….a lot of fears. I think of who I am now.

In the last 15 years of my relationship with The Lord, I can see how much He has enabled me to overcome. I began with these fears as I stepped out into my own life. I would double check everything before I left the house, just to be sure nothing I did or didn’t do would be a cause for destruction. I would rethink every conversation that I had with people, as not to hurt any ones feelings or worry they didn’t understand me. I would worry about the way I might die or live. Think about things that were beyond my control.

The reality that Jesus is coming for us swept over me, and I loved the thought of His return. Then there were selfish parts of me that thought…oh, not yet. Like when I got married and wanted to spend some precious time with my new husband before Jesus came. I don’t like sharing all of this but I know that I need to…this is who I was, not who I am now. When I became pregnant, I worried about having healthy babies because of the issues my brother, his son and myself were born with. Then I delivered my first healthy child. After he was born, fear set in again. Thoughts of war and the world coming to an end, my world coming to an end and Jesus’ return again. I wasn’t ready, I wanted to spend precious time with my new child.

See the fear in all of those days? Honestly though, I’ve always been strong but deep within me were fears that controlled my trust.

We think that we need to live with these fears. We think that we can’t overcome them because the enemy sits just waiting to pounce on our thoughts…engaging our minds in fear, causing us to weaken and drown in useless thoughts.

When my children were older, I began fearing what would happen to them if I died and they were left behind without me to take care of them…without me to love them like only I could. As my boys entered school age and shootings began, other fears set in. I thought what could happen if I wasn’t there to protect them. Most of my thoughts are always of not being able to be there with them. Not knowing how they’d feel without mommy by their side. Those feelings really hurt…these were way beyond my ability and then the day came.

A day came when The Lord told me that I didn’t have to fear these things. He told me that everything in my life has been and will always be in His Hands, in His control. Through all of the years that I feared, I trusted God too. This is who I was, a contradiction in myself. There have always been areas of great strength and weakness, of great faith and the untouchable doubt. I settled in thinking that there were areas in my mind that were just “that way”. That was a lie that I believed and an agreement that I made with myself.

I was thinking this morning of all the fear obstacles I have overcome, I continue to overcome. All, simply because I began trusting God to take over. There, with Him, I have no fear for my life or the lives of my family. Why should I? I won’t say that I’m completely over the fear thing, but I know that my trust in all areas is in God’s control…not my own.

Not all fear is of the enemy though. Fear is a part of us that keeps us safe in this world. What keeps us from grabbing another apple off of the tree (Adam and Eve). It’s what keeps us on the path, keeps us close to God. The “fear of The Lord”, as The Bible tells is….this is holy fear. The kind that enables us to walk humbly with God and know our place beside Him. It also allows us to love the people in our lives all the more while they are with us. It allows us to experience the good things that God put here for us. It can be the creator of healthy relationships.

Thinking of my mom’s death coming and all of the talk we’ve had about it, brought this blog to you and to my mind. The little fears that I thought may have caused me to be weak as an adult, those things that may have been “negative” were not. Everything that the enemy planned to be destructive to me has unfolded beautifully to create strength, peace, trust and holiness. And in everything, every trial, every doubt, fear or emptiness….everything that seems negative in your lives in the past, present or in your future can be overcome. Allow them to be a little shove bringing you closer to God and you’ll find a strength that won’t leave you. Everything can lead you closer to God, can bring you spiritual strength. God doesn’t cause bad things to happen to you, He cleans them up and waits with you for you to see that He Is “FOR” you, not against you and that you will never be alone. He is right with you in the battles and wants nothing more to have you see Him there.

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” ~Deuteronomy 31:6 from The Message