Heather T.

Archive for December, 2007|Monthly archive page

Stir Crazy

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 28, 2007 at 3:45 pm

You know, it’s funny how I long to spend time at home with my boys – have fun, laugh and play – then when I have the opportunity to do it…they make me crazy. Mostly because they’re characters are so different it causes them to fight (ALOT). I have one that is always loud and seems to say “I never, I always, You cheat….AGHHH! Then the other likes to pick-pick-pick and my littlest man runs everybody.
I don’t enjoy complaining!! It makes me feel like a failure to myself because on the inside – I really am a happy heart person. I suppose it’s just the “motherhood” thing that get’s me out of balance once in awhile. I am reminded that I need time for myself to be a better mom – that’s true, but how do I do that? It’s nearly impossible in week’s like this when there’s no car and no avenue for independance. I suppose I could wake up two hours earlier than they would (this is how I usually do it) but that also makes me “all done” two hours before they are at night (and a grouchy mom). I steal quiet time to read or pray here and there but it’s like sneaking chocolate in a house like this…they seem to find me.
Motherhood is bitter-sweet. In my opinion, there’s only one love greater than the love that I have for my children and that would be the love that God has for us. Along with that, there’s nothing that could frustrate me more either. I suppose I need to loosen up, lighten up and go with the flow! But how??? Really, I love having boys – I couldn’t imagine a house with girls all over the place. All of my life, I was always more comfortable hanging out with the guys – they don’t judge you, they aren’t catty and they don’t compete with you. They were more fun! So…God grew me up and gave me a house full….in the extreme form of male. Now, I do realize that I am in need of female friends.There are some things that the guys just don’t get – like our monthly attitude problems, our (well my) need for affection, understanding, and peace. The need for a dinner table without poop talk, burping and farting (atleast once in awhile). Don’t get me wrong – I am not a girly girl…not at all, and I sure have my fair share of fun at the dinner table too but not every night.It’s funny – I know…it is. I love being able to wrestle, tumble and whack ’em side the head when they need it. I just wish they’d sit still and be quiet for a few minutes now and then (all at the same time).I love my boys – I wouldn’t trade them in for nothing…not anything, even in the moments that I just want to lock myself outside. These little monkeys truly help mold me into the person I need to become – the one that God knows I am. It’s like this:
“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” – Mother Teresa

Celebrating

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 26, 2007 at 3:44 pm

am a celebrator – not in the partying type of way, although I do enjoy that too. I am talking about the type of celebrating we do within ourselves, the kind that brings peace and makes a happy heart.I am compelled to write about how I celebrate Christmas and why. I am not a “traditionalist”. I enjoy change and like to spice things up – but there is one thing that I hold true to always. Anything that I do, I keep Jesus involved.
I really don’t care how much “proof” that the world finds of who He was on earth and I don’t care wether the world believes His “Birth-date” was at Christmas or in July or whenever it may be. I don’t live by facts, figures and need for proof. To me — we celebrate His Birthday at Christmas.In my heart and mind, Christmas is the celebration of a Glorious Birthday. If that wasn’t the day He was actually born – what does it matter? Really! When children are orphaned and no one knows the date of their birth – are they forgotten to be celebrated in a loving home? Probably not! When our children’s birthday falls during a hectic weekday, do we choose to forget about celebrating their birthday at some point…not likely. Most parents go all out with a big party on the weekend. It is awesome to know the actual “date” and remember the birth of our children…but if you didn’t know for sure, it really wouldn’t keep you from celebrating their birth – would it?
I think that Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the birth of our Lord. What other reason could we have to give gifts and celebrate the love within our families? I’ve explained the concept to my kids. God gave us the greatest gift we could ever need, want or hope for when He sent His Son into the world. The ability to know Him within our hearts, to feel His love and know His forgiveness and to someday see Him face to face. This is the perfect time to celebrate Jesus…it’s well remembered, marked out on everyone’s calendar, carved out of the work/school week and clearly decorated to remember. Within ourselves, we hope to find the perfect gift – the something that the receiver wants or hopes for. We can’t fill that space where The Lord is, but we can bring a smile to a face and joy to the heart when we find that perfect gift. We search out, wrap up and put presents under the tree in honor of our Lord. I imagine that He’s proud to see the love that compels us to search for something perfect and share it with another – especially when He’s not forgotten in the process.Truly, there is no other reason to celebrate Christmas as we do. I am not a conformist – nor am I one to rebel completely but I open my heart to God and find comfort in what He shows me. I have a tendency to be indecisive but there are a few things that I will surely stand firmly for and my Faith is One. I won’t argue with you or debate…my only hope for you is that you can find Him sooner than later as you live your life in this crazy and beautiful world. When you do – you’ll celebrate Him, not only at Christmas but everyday – in your heart!
~I pray that you would be blessed with eyes to see and a heart to feel all of the blessings that God has for you…in every day and that you will clearly know that these blessings are from Him – because HE LOVES YOU!

Stretched Morning

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 21, 2007 at 3:44 pm

Oh my goodness…what a morning for feelings and it’s not even PMS week. I woke up with a phone call that Ray’s truck stalled half way through Georgia and wouldn’t start back up. He was hopeful that it was just froze-up & dry gas would fix the problem. One of the Supervisor’s that he’s worked with lives on that road, stopped and helped him but Ray told him to go ahead to work and he’d be fine….he wasn’t and he called me up. He was going to wait a few minutes for the dry gas to kick in, try again and call me back. In the meantime, I gathered the boys up and we prayed together. I didn’t want to call anyone for a tow truck – it would cost. So, we prayed for daddy & his truck…and I took my shower. About 10 minutes later, Ray called to say that he called one of the guys he works with that just got on the interstate…he was going to get off and come to the rescue. He has a 4×4 and they towed it to the Super’s house up the road…there it sits for now. That was eventful and all came around within 45 minutes. (Thank You, Lord for saving us the headache of juggling money – and for the time that the boys and I had to pray together for daddy).Well…that was not the end of emotions this morning. My super strong-willed Lucien refused to get dressed. I gave him all morning to make the right choice…but he didn’t and I had to resort to putting him on the bus in his t-shirt. Hopefully he’ll realize that mommy doesn’t mess around before he’s too big to pick up & move around. I don’t know what I’ll do when he’s older and beligerant that way if he doesn’t learn now….(pray for me). Needless to say…he quickly got dressed when I set him on the bus. I had to bring everything out there and do it though – what a kid!!!So – wondering, hopeful, thankful and frustrated – the day began! That’s actually not too far off from any other day when I think about it. I love my boys so much – they’re trying on me sometimes, mostly because there’s three of them with different personalities – but these boys teach me so much about myself. They also teach me so much about God and His relationship with us (His children)….I’m always coming back to Him. I am so thankful for that relationship, to have Him with me always. You know – it doesn’t matter how fitfull, forgetful, annoying or frustrating we may be…He loves us unconditionally anyway and will never stop (just like us with our children). So…I’m on the bus headed to pick up all of those smiley faces and absorbing all that I just dealt with in the last hour. The first kids I picked up put an instant smile on my face and it just got better after that. I got a cute happy picture from one of my little girls and a card w/a name card inside that made me teary. The Lord reminds me of who I am and that when I feel down on myself…He lifts me up just the way I need to be at the moment.
The card fits my character…its says:
Heather “Flowering Heather”: someone who is assistive; is quick-tempered, but also quick to forgive; calm and goodwill surround her; likes companions who know right from wrong; is a kind and loving friend; loyal to others; she works hard on her social graces; an individual who has a good imagination; and achieves her goals by work and thought.
My name has many fitting meanings, but another that I hold onto tightly is Joyful Spirit. Deep within me – that’s who I am. Circumstances try and sometimes win to change that, but really I am a happy heart person. I think that definition of my name is a special gift that God gave me to remind me…the only way I’ll have it is to abide in Him.
There is alot of meaning in our names that fit our character. I truly believe that we are named by God…He knows each one of us before our parents. He knows who we are…as infants, toddlers, kids, teens and adults. However we turn out – He knows.
So – now I’ve passed on my stretched morning with you all and if I keep writing, I’ll make your eyes cross looking at the screen. My mind works like the energizer bunny…it just keeps running on and on and on. I wish my energy could keep up with my mind.Enjoy your day…Now, I think I can enjoy mine.

Santa Clause is My Best Friend

In My Boy #3, Myspace Posts 2008 on December 18, 2007 at 3:43 pm

My little man is so amazing! He’s unlike the first two boys in character. Although, he seems to have the happy heart that carries through some of us. This kid pays attention to everything.

People have always thought it was terrible that we didn’t celebrate the Holiday’s with the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause and that the kids didn’t know about a tooth fairy. I was told that I was depriving them of the fun stuff. When, in fact…I was always fun all on my own!

The first two boys asked questions…they never assumed that what they saw was real or what other’s told them was real – they always asked me. I won’t lie to people – especially my children, so I told them the truth in a way that would allow them the choice to believe or not. I never wanted my kids to think that I would lie to them about anything they can’t see – because GOD IS REAL, and I never wanted them to doubt Him.

So – I told them who St. Nicholas was and how it came to be that there are people who dress up like him now – in all honesty….the same Spirit that enabled St. Nicholas also enables many of us. The Holy Spirit is the One!Anyway…why am I sharing all of this? My first two boys enjoyed every bit of Christmas without Santa Clause and every bit of Easter without a Bunny. I’ve even worked the idea of the toothfairy – jokingly telling them that mommy dresses in a tutu & carries a little wand into their rooms to gather their teeth & leave them money…they visualize pretty well and cracked right up.

The first two were very easy about that stuff – maybe they just weren’t independant thinkers…I don’t know. This little man – my almost three year old has a mind of his own for sure. It wouldn’t matter if I explained it all to him – he’s already decided. Santa Clause is his best friend and he loves him. He’s told me that Santa will come to our house and leave presents for all of us under our Christmas Tree.What do I say to that? The older two don’t know what to think of it either.
My oldest loves the idea that his little brother believes in Santa. My middle son tried to tell him that Santa wasn’t real…very “matter of factly” and boy did that little man get angry with him.

I’m not even going there! I won’t lie to him when the time comes, if he asks me – but I’m not going to hurt his imagination either….with a prayer and alot of trust – I know God will work it all out for him. It’s actually pretty cute!Oh – another thing totally unlike the other two – he has a real imaginery friend…his name is Joke – but that’s another blog to write about! This kid brings out the child in me for sure.

This Christmas

In my mom, Myspace Posts 2008 on December 17, 2007 at 3:42 pm

I just wanted to catch up with my last blog about my mom. We’ve had 4 amazing years with mom since she went into the hospital. She’s been through so much – tests, chemo, radiation, medicines, etc…..but God’s Grace has poured over her throughout all of it. She was rarely sick, she did lose her hair – but made fun with it. The Lord is Amazing and has released her of many fears, given her strength and changed her mind these last years. We’ve been places together and she’s had good memories made with the boys…every one of them.For my first two sons, she was always a little fearful while I was pregnant (my brother was born w/cleft pallate and I was born w/club foot). When I got pregnant for Lucien, she enjoyed every bit of my pregnancy. She wouldn’t have even seen him if she’d stayed home that night & had her way. I love the way God works in our lives.So…this is her 4th Christmas with us since all of that happened. Mom has been through a lot, the treatments kept the tumor from growing and decreased it a little but they also caused havoc in her bones. She’s decided recently to be done with all of it and is now allowing herself some freedom to live without treatments. She made a comment that totally awakened me the other day. As we were talking, she almost said that this would be her last Christmas – she quickly changed her words, but I heard her meaning…clearly.
It was an eye opener. By now, I’ve realized how much I will miss her when she’s not here – and I’m beginning to absorb that reality. Before, I was ready (I thought)….I seemed stronger about it than I do now….to think she might not be here next Christmas. If she’s not with us, I know she’ll be smiling – dancing – loving & being loved more than ever! She’ll be totally free and alive – with our Awesome Savior!So…I guess I needed a tishwoo for this one. I had to get it out though….feels good.

Is it a pimple?

In Bus Rides, Myspace Posts 2008 on December 12, 2007 at 3:42 pm

Last week, I found a set of stuffed antlers and a big red nose for the bus. So – I bought them. When I got home, I found out that I’d have to be a little creative as to where they’d be put. I couldn’t put them in the windows like you would on a car. Before I left the house, I did manage to get the nose on the front of the bus but I thought that I’d wait for a little input before I attached the antlers – so, I waited until I got to school that afternoon to ask my driving buddies. As I pulled into the parking lot, one of the drivers calls to me over the radio….”Hey – your bus has a big pimple!”. I cracked right up laughing.So, we figured out where to fit everything and now my bus is officially “Rudolph”. On the way home that day, all of the kids were singing the Rudolph song on the bus – they got a big kick out of it.

It’s all good getting out

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 10, 2007 at 3:41 pm

We made it to the Christmas Party Saturday night. Even though it was just a few hours, those were the best few hours of freedom I’ve had in awhile.When I had my first two boys, I didn’t appreciate everyone telling me that I needed to go do things without them. I couldn’t understand the need to “get out”. When I’d leave them, I’d miss them awful and feel terrible the whole time I was gone. I’m still that way as far as being gone all day – and there’s definately no overnights without them….but I do understand the need to go out and be free for a few hours.My mom and I were talking last night and I was saying how different it is to get out like that, than it is to leave them for a few hours to go shopping or something. It’s not the same. Even when I’m shopping, I’m hurrying trying to get back quickly (you know?)…..When Ray and I went out the other night, we had a chance to just be us without wondering or hurrying. It felt good, not to mention I had a few beers with him and danced a bit (if you call what I do dancing…who cares – it was fun!).We got home at 9:30 pm to see the boys hanging out watching a movie on the couches with their “prized” Aunt and Uncle – and they were as happy and refreshed as we were!
So – I don’t know how much fun everyone else had at the party but for me….it was a refreshing blessing (thanks to those who made it happen)!

Can’t imagine

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 5, 2007 at 3:40 pm

I called in to work this morning and almost had someone else do my run. When I woke up, I wasn’t sure how the day would follow through after a full night of getting sick. After I made the call, I sat there thinking and wondering….I couldn’t imagine someone else picking up my kids. They’d wonder and all of the little ones might get nervous. I remember how my own kids felt when a sub drove them…it was a little scarey for them when they were little. I know that these kids aren’t “mine” and that someone else use to do it before I came along, but I really enjoy seeing them in the mornings. They’re all still sleepy and I can get a smile from most of them.So…after a few minutes of contemplation, I called back and chose to rough it. Don’t worry – most of them have already had the bug, have it now or are still passing it around in their own homes – I’m sure that’s where we got it from in the first place. You can’t avoid germs as much as you’d like to…they’re bound to found you.
So, the bus day is done! This job is really ideal for me – for any mom. I had all day to rest up. It’s funny…I didn’t feel bad at all when the kids were on the bus. When you don’t have time to think about it…it definately helps!I love this job!

TMI and Lessons Learned

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 5, 2007 at 3:38 pm

Now it’s official…my husband is the only one that hasn’t had this stinkin stomach bug. For those who haven’t had it yet…it’s nasty. It lingers in your house and makes people feel yucky for about a week or more and then suddenly grabs you in the middle of the night. I don’t usually get the stomach stuff (thank The Lord)…it’s horrible…especially when you’re holding your toddler at the same time while you’re both getting sick.
So – today I won’t be sitting much in front of the computer. Even though there’s much we need at the store…I’m not going once again. I’m going to take a hot bath, put on my sweats and rest until it’s time to go get the kiddies.Last night – I was stewing about some recent mislead conversations. My hubby came home and I didn’t stop talking…as I was cooking supper, I suddenly just went off on some goofy thing and realized….hmmm, maybe my attitude has something to do with the monthly friend who’ll be visiting soon. I know, TMI – but for those of you who understand PMS…you know what I’m saying. I turned and looked at Ray after I said what I said and his response was so funny – we both laughed. Definately in part, PMS.It doesn’t matter how much you’ve got it together – when you’re a woman and PMS begins….it takes over. Thankfully God made us this way and He understands all of these emotions – I’m sure He rolls His eyes and giggles too. I love the rose colored glasses that He gave to my husband too.
Beyond my sensitivity, after getting sick all night – it made all of those little annoyances seem sooo small. Really, who cares! I need to stop letting what other people think bother me. Ray always has a quick and pretty real comeback when put on the spot….usually stinging, but I’m not made the same way (I don’t think quick enough or really have the attitude he has). With our conversation, he opened my eyes a little and I was reminded of a few things about myself.I go through life with little expectations – in every area. Maybe it’s the optimist in me (once again), I don’t know. I just have learned that if you expect too much or feel like you deserve something – you’ll be never be happy and will probably make others unhappy too.
Parts of me could care less about what people think of me. I am strong in some ways and weak in others. I have a hard time knowing what to say when I’m put on the spot – I could write you something and fully explain myself, but most people use their mouth’s easier. My hubby says he’s trying to teach me…but I think it’ll be a lifelong lesson for me. So – with all of that said – now I feel better, until I have another conversation . Until then, I’m now going to go find some of that rest I so desparately need.
(I always feel better when I can get it out in writing)

Tanks for the snowflakes

In Myspace Posts 2008 on December 4, 2007 at 3:38 pm

I have to tell you, when I’m just hanging out around the house…thoughts overflow in my mind of things to write about. I don’t know how many of you actually care to read my babbling, but it feels sooo good to get it out. As far as conversation goes…it’s not there so much, but I can write about anything. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous to go out in the snow with the bus for the “real” first snow storm. The roads were definately icy…but as far as the snow goes – that big TANK will plow right through and I had no trouble getting out or in my driveway….so happy! I’m not sure if it was my boss who came to plow this morning – or someone else, but whoever did it…I’m very thankful for them! I don’t know why I get a little anxious about things – the anticipation of unknown happenings. I suppose that’s a weakness that keeps me close to The Lord and keeps me trusting in Him. He is always faithful. The real trouble comes in when I take my focus off of Him and put it on the problem. It must be really difficult for those who don’t know Him – where do they go with their fears and anxieties? I imagine that’s something to pray for…those who suffer without knowing Him. If you’re living with little fears and you do or don’t know Jesus – I pray that when you talk to Him and give those thoughts to Him, He will overwhelm your heart and mind with His Peace…and keep you in that moment (but don’t forget that He did it for you).Honestly, these thoughts are just like tiny little snowflakes in a great mountain of snow. I hope you have fun playing in them…